A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave. “
The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”
Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm.
He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that “This is the pig I’ve been screwing. “
The wife, unimpressed , said “You drunk arsehole… That’s a duck”.
The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says “I was talking to the duck!”
This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.