NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board.
While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, “Pig Number 1, do you know your mission?”
The pig replies, “Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink. “
Then NASA Control asks the second pig, “Pig Number 2, do you know your mission?”
The second pig replies, “Oink oink. Once Pig Number 1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. Oink oink. “
Then NASA asks the blonde, “Blonde woman, do you know your mission?”
The blonde woman replies, “Mmmmm… Oh yeah, I remember now. Feed the pigs and Don’t Touch a Goddamned Thing!”
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
“What’s up?” he says.
“I’m having a heart attack, “cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
“You rotten bastard, “says the husband, “my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids! ! !”
This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.