A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle’s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The bartender looks at the guy and asks: “What’s wrong with your turtle?” “Not a thing, “the man … Read more
A gent is sitting alone at the bar in Caesars Palace. A Jewish hooker comes over to him and asks him if he would like some company. “How much, honey?” “$800. “ “800???” “Are you crazy? Every other woman that came over wanted $400!” The Jewish hooker thought about it for a second and then … Read more
A man goes into a pub and says, ‘I’d like something tall, icy and full of gin.’ The barman turns and shouts into the kitchen, ‘Oi, Doris! Someone to see you!’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A blond lady walks into a bar that has a sign marked: ‘For Men Only.’ ‘I’m sorry, ma’am,’ says the bartender. ‘We only serve men in this place.’ ‘That’s OK,’ she says. ‘I’ll take two of them.’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Two elderly gin-soaked colonels are sitting at the bar of their club. ‘Lend me a tenner for a month, old boy,’ says one. ‘What does a month-old boy want a tenner for?’ asks the other. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A brain walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint of beer please. “The barman looks at him and says “Sorry, I can’t serve you. “ “Why not?” askes the brain. “You’re already out of your head. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from … Read more
A man walks into a nearly empty bar and orders a drink. He’s sitting alone at the end of the bar, sipping away, and he hears a voice. “Nice shirt. “ He looks around and sees no one nearby. He forgets about it and continues drinking. “Nice tie, “the voice says again. He looks around … Read more
Two women walked into a restaurant, the first one asked for tea. The second also asks for tea. “And make sure the glass is clean, “she tells the waiter. When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, “Which one of you asked for the clean glass?” This joke is included in … Read more
Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, “If you can sit in my basement for a day, I’ll give you free beer forever. “ The first man walks out after five minutes and says, “It’s impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there. “ So the second man tries his luck, … Read more
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?” Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!” Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.