Geoff was not a tech junkie but he was a little skeptical when the salesman told him this would be the last GPS he ever needed. Geoff was 65 and he knew technology changes and new and better ones come out every year. Geoff began to feel extremely uncomfortable and thought maybe the salesman was … Read more
A woman visits her husband in prison. Before leaving, she tells a corrections officer, “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!” The officer laughs, saying, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!” “That’s not true!” she shouts. “He just told me he has been digging a … Read more
A mortician was working late one night examining dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried. As he examined the body of Mr. Hortz, who was about to be cremated, he was amazed. Hortz had the longest ‘member’ he had ever seen! “I’m sorry, Mr. Hortz, “said the mortician, “but I can’t send … Read more
A ventriloquist had no work for nine months. He went to his agent and told him he needed work badly. The agent said, “There’s no call for ventriloquists, but if you were a psychic I could get you plenty of work. “So this ventriloquist went home and hung outside his door a psychic sign. An … Read more
Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest, but a fairy came across. The fairy says: “Dear noble knight, you’re the first one to find me in four hundred years, so as a reward, I’ll grant you three wishes. “ The knight already has a castle, money … Read more
The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company’s production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. “This, “he said, “is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it. “ A … Read more
A customer at the counter of a garden ornament shop said to the cashier, “Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of those sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers. “ The cashier replied, “That’ll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten for the flamingos, six for the … Read more
A man walks into his local butcher’s shop and complains about the leg of lamb that he had previously bought. “When I cooked it the joint had shrunk so much it went from 12 inches long to only 4-inches. “ The butcher said to the man “That’s funny, my wife knitted me a sweater and … Read more
The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, “What are you doing?” “There, “said the wife, “didn’t I tell you he was stupid?” This joke is included … Read more
A husband and wife went to visit a ranch while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked the woman if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked him what the difference was. The cowboy told her that one had a horn and one didn’t. “Well, “she replied, “the saddle without the … Read more