An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes … Read more
Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish. He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, “Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish. “ The fisherman looks around and says, “Well, we are almost out of … Read more
A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks, “she says. He’s never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell… They’re going at it for a couple minutes when all of a sudden a light flashes on them-it’s a police officer. “What’s … Read more
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he … Read more
A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, “We have this little policy of allowing you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hell. “ “How do I know which to choose?” She asked. “That’s easy, “said St. Peter. “You have to spend a day in each … Read more
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: “What do you want? “ Pakistani man: “I’m here for Jesus. “ St. Peter: “Jesus, your taxi’s her! “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order … Read more
A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, “I’m Jesus Christ. “ The first priest says, “No, son, I’m Jesus Christ. “ So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, “No, son, I’m Jesus Christ. “ The drunk says, … Read more
On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, “Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight. “ The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, “Oh God, no, not again. “ A new slave next … Read more
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There’s a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve … Read more