Four nuns are in line to go into heaven. God asks the first nun if she has ever sinned. She says, “Well, I’ve seen a penis. “So God puts holy water on her eyes and lets her enter. He asks the second nun the same thing and she says, “I’ve held a penis, “so he … Read more
The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. “Good lord, mister, “he gasped, “Are you drunk?” “Of course, “said the man, … Read more
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. “What’s all the screaming in there?” he yells. “You’re scaring … Read more
Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven. “I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven. But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings will fall off. “ So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when … Read more
A divorce lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The lawyer thought for a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street. “ Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in … Read more
A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop. The cop smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said to the priest, “Father, have you been drinking?” The priest replied, “Only water, officer. “ The cop then … Read more
A drunk staggers in a Catholic church late one night and collapses in the confessional. Next morning he’s awoken by the sound of the priest entering the cubicle next to him. The priest addresses him through the grille. “Good morning, my son. What can I do for you?” “You got here just in time, “replies … Read more
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl and gives her $50 and says “Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties as it … Read more
Two friends meet each other on the street. “Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill. “Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery. I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid. “I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”. “It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a … Read more
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. … Read more