A little old lady entered the main branch of a large downtown bank with a large grocery bag in her arms. She told the teller that she wanted to open an account to make a substantial deposit, in excess of $200,000. Further, she said that since such a large sum was involved, she would deal … Read more
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. “Where are you heading today?” the man asks. “I’m going down to give blood. “ “How much do you get paid for giving blood?” “About $20. “ “Wow, “says the man, “I’m going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100. “The woman angrily … Read more
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions. “ He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore. “ The … Read more
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy. Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says “Hey what’s all the excitement about”, Little Billy says “Just showing everyone my new watch”. Little Johnny goes “Wow, that’s a cool watch where … Read more
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions, “he observed. To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy. “ He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in … Read more
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. “If I do 150mph, will you take off your clothes?” he asked. “Yes!” said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he speeded up to 150mph, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on … Read more
Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won’t wear my shoes out so fast. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
An individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. “Due to lack of maintenance, “he read, “we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account. “ This joke … Read more
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it. “ “Very good, Suzie, … Read more
““If you had a dollar, “quizzed the teacher, “and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?” “One dollar. “answered little Johnny. “You don’t know your basic math. “said the teacher, shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, “You don’t know my daddy. “ … Read more