When ordering food at a new restaurant, a woman asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken. “Nothing special, “he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I … Read more
A newspaper editor announces that there’s enough money in the budget to install a newsroom chandelier. The reporters huddle and send a spokesman to say they’re against it. “Against it? Why?” the editor asks. “First, “the reporter says, “No one on the staff can spell ‘chandelier’ well enough to put it on an order form. … Read more
A teacher asks his pupils, “Can anyone tell me the difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary nastiness?” Little Johnny puts his hand up. “One is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments. “ “Very good, Johnny, “says the teacher. “And the other?” … Read more
A man goes to a job interview. His resume was fantastic and his qualities were perfect for the company. The interviewers were impressed. “You are a strong candidate, and we would like to hire you. However, there’s a six year gap in your resume. What were you doing during that time?” “I went to Yale” … Read more
Preparing for the most important presentation of his life, a sales rep went to a psychiatrist. “I’ll implant a hypnotic suggestion in your mind, “said the shrink. “Just say ‘one-two-three,’ and you’ll give the presentation of your life. However, do not say ‘one-two-three-four,’ because it will cause you to freeze up and make a fool … Read more
Two firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke filled room. The chief walks in and yells, “What the fuck is going on in here?” The one firefighter says, “He was suffering from smoke inhalation. “ So the fire chief asks, “Why didn’t you try mouth to mouth?” The firefighter says, “How the hell do you … Read more
Zoo keeper says to Paddy, “The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for 500 pounds?”. Paddy replies, “I will on 3 conditions: First, I’m not going to kiss it. Second – my family must never know. The third one – I’ll need a … Read more
An undergraduate boy was very attracted to a charming and delightful woman in one of his classes. She was bright, witty, good looking, and very friendly. She also was in a wheelchair because she’d lost both legs in an accident. This proved to be no real barrier, however; this was one formidable woman whether she … Read more
A elderly lady, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. She walked up to the bartender, and … Read more