Doctor Jokes

The Doctor told Frank to avoid any unnecessary stress… To comply, Frank did not open his bill. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.

Doctor: “You need new glasses. “ Patient: “How do you know? I haven’t told you what’s wrong with me yet. “ Doctor: “I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.

Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem. “ Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?” Doctor: “Every two hours. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.

Doctor: “I see you’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse?” Patient: “I was just following your orders, Doc. “ Doctor: “Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order. “ Patient: “You told me to … Read more

Nurse: “Doctor, doctor! The man you’ve just treated collapsed on the front step! What should I do?” Doctor: “Turn him around, so it looks like he was just arriving!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.

A heart surgeon came to a mechanic to repair his car. The mechanic had a look at the car’s engine, opened a valve and fixed it. The mechanic said, “I repaired the engine which is the heart of the car. You also operate on the hearts of humans, so our jobs are quite similar. So … Read more

A man asks his doctor: “Do you think I’ll live to be a hundred?” The doctor asks the man “Well, that depends. Do you drink?” “Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water. “ “Do you smoke?” “No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I … Read more

A woman was having a medical problem – her husband was snoring. She called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her “suffering”. “Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 … Read more

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor, “the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. “I can’t leave, “the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. … Read more

Patient to psychiatrist: “I have this fear of being in tight, enclosed places. “ Psychiatrist: “That’s a very common disorder. Lots of people have the same problem. “ Patient: “It’s a little bit more complicated than that. I have an abnormal fear of being in an elevator with a bunch of department store Santa’s. “ … Read more