A nun woke up one morning feeling great, she got out of bed and decided to go to the kitchen for some breakfast. On her way over there she runs into sister Jane and she says, “Hi sister Jane, “by which sister Jane says, “I see you got off on the wrong side of the … Read more
A guy calls his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, “Who is this?” “This is the maid, “answered the woman. “We don’t have a maid!” “I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house. “ “Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” “Ummm…she’s upstairs in … Read more
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and hugged her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her. “ “You … Read more
While examining the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen. “I’m sorry, Mr. Schwartz, “says the mortician, “But I can’t send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity. “ The mortician removes the penis, … Read more
Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. “Jack, I’ve got to confess — I’ve been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I’m the father of your daughter, and I’ve been stealing from the firm for a decade. “ “Relax, “says Jack, “and don’t think about it. … Read more
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, “Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?” The wife replies, “Cut it off and shove it up his arse!” The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the … Read more
At a men’s clothing store, a customer asked the shop assistant to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband’s blue eyes stand out. “Ma’am, “he explained, “any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. … Read more
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home. “ “Why not?” asked somebody from the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years, “the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a … Read more
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was … Read more
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who’ll predict her future: “Lady, I’m sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future. “ “Don’t tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. … Read more