George finally found the nerve to tell his fiancee that he had to break off their engagement so that he could marry another woman. “Can she cook like I can?” the distraught woman asked. “Not on her best day. “George replied. “Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?” she asked. “No, she’s broke. … Read more
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later … Read more
A lawyer cross-examined the adversary’s main witness. “You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Willson house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?” “Objection, your honor, “shouted the other lawyer. There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 75 minutes, the … Read more
At a recent convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarked to another, “Did you know that we have switched from rats to lawyers for experiments in our lab?” “Really?” replied the other researcher. “Why the switch?” “There were a number of reasons, “the first researcher explained. “First, our lab assistants don’t become so attached to … Read more
Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, “Mine’s OK. We get it on every week, but it’s no big adventure. How’s yours?” Sally replied, “It’s been great ever since we got into S&M. “ Sue was surprised. “Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you’d go for that. “ “Oh, sure, … Read more
A local lawyer was sitting in his office the other morning when a beautiful young lady walked in. Without any preliminaries she said she wanted a divorce. “On what grounds?” asked the lawyer. “I don’t think he is faithful to me, “she replied. “And what makes you think he isn’t faithful?” asked the lawyer. “Well, … Read more
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter, “said one. “No! He agreed to marry MY daughter, “said the other. And so they argued before the King until he called for silence. “Bring me my biggest sword, “said … Read more
A lawyer’s dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer … Read more
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, “Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce. “ “Because, “the man says, “I live in a two-story house. “ The Judge replies, “What kind of a reason is that! What’s the big … Read more
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad, “one crook noted. “We got $25 between us. “ The boss screamed:”I warned you to stay clear of lawyers-we … Read more