Through the pitch-black night, the captain of a vessel sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course ten degrees east. “ The light signals back: “Change yours, ten degrees west. “ Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!” “I’m … Read more
A man goes skydiving. After a fantastic free fall he pulls the ripcord to open his parachute but nothing happens. He tries everything but can’t get it open. Just then another man flies by him, going up. The skydiver yells, “Hey, you know anything about parachutes? The man replies, “No, you know anything about gas … Read more
A spaceman landed on the moon. To his surprise he saw a little shop ahead of him, with the name above it: “Isaac Cohen, BESPOKE TAILORS. “ Curious, he went into the shop. A surprised looking man appeared behind the counter. “Who are you?” he asked. “I’m a spaceman, “replied the spaceman. The man closed … Read more
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, … Read more
A man went to his lawyer and told him, ‘My neighbor owes me £500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?’ ‘Do you have any proof he owes you the money?’ asked the lawyer. ‘Nope,’ replied the man. ‘OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,500 he owed you,’ said … Read more
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well, “he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” … Read more
Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior – there’s the best Club in the city. Let’s you and me stop in and have a drink. “ “But we’re private, “protests Junior. “NO, we’s sergeants now, “says … Read more
A man was arrested and taken to an interrogation room He says to the police officer, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present. “ “You are the lawyer, “says the policeman. “Exactly, so where’s my present?” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A 75-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow. “ The next day the 75-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, … Read more
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later. “ The nun agreed… A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?” The nun replied, “He went that way. “ After the MPs ran off, … Read more