At a court date the judge asked, “What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?” “Well, your honor, “replied the arresting officer, “I saw him lift up the manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, ‘I want to listen to it on my record … Read more
“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background, “sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment, “replied the witness. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Judge: “Haven’t I seen you before?” Man: “Yes, Your Honor. I taught your daughter how to play the drums. “ Judge: “Twenty years!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A lawyer phoned the governor’s mansion shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the governor, it’s an emergency!” exclaimed the lawyer. After some cajoling, the governor’s assistant agreed to wake him up. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?” grumbled the governor. “Judge Pierson just died, and I … Read more
A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, “Counselor, you … Read more
A man goes to see his lawyer to prepare his will. At the first meeting, the lawyer takes all the information down, and sends the man home, telling him to come see him again in two weeks. Two weeks later, the man comes back, reads the will and signs it in front of three witnesses. … Read more
A lawyer is walking along the beach and spots a glass bottle in the sand. When he opens it he discovers a genie inside. Genie: “Sir, I will grant you three wishes, but you must understand that whatever you wish for, every other lawyer in the world will get double. Man: “Hmmm. Okay. First I’d … Read more
A man committed murder. To fight his case he was advised to hire a good lawyer. He checked one who asked for $100. He thought this one was not good enough. The next one wanted $500. The next $5000. He found a really expensive one who wanted $10,0000. So the accused hired him. Ultimately he … Read more
The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe the “not guilty” verdict he’d just heard. Bitterly, he asked, “What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?” The foreman answered, “Insanity. “ The attorney responded, still incredulous, “I could understand that. But, all twelve of you?” This joke is included in the … Read more