One morning the lion is feeling especially ferocious. He sauntered over to a monkey swinging in a tree and roared, “Who’s the king of this jungle?” The monkey scampered down from the tree, bows to the lion and stammered, “Wh. . wh… why you are Mr. Lion. “ A few minutes later, the lion comes … Read more
A lawyer went duck hunting for the first time in Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of the fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator … Read more
Two men were in a forest, when a lion came roaring towards them. One of them throws sand into the lion’s eyes and then runs. The second man stays, unmoved. The first man looks back and shouts, “Why are you not running?” The second man replies, “Why should I be running? You’re the one who … Read more
A poodle and a collie are walking down the street when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess, “he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend’s having an affair with a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat. “ “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist, “suggests the … Read more
A little girl is in the kitchen watching her mother prepare for the following day’s Christmas dinner. She asks, “Mommy, can I please have a cat for Christmas?” Her mommy replies, “No honey, you’ll have turkey just like the rest of us. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can … Read more
Judge: “Do you mix horse meat with chicken?” Defendant: “Yes, my lord. “ Judge; “How much?” Defendant: “50/50” Judge: “Please explain. “ Defendant: “One horse to one chicken. “ A totally naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the taxi driver, “Why … Read more
After a lady’s car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large bag of cat litter to soak it up. It worked so well, that she went back to the store to get another bag to finish the job. The clerk remembered her. Looking thoughtfully at her purchase, he said, “Lady, … Read more
Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest, but a fairy came across. The fairy says: “Dear noble knight, you’re the first one to find me in four hundred years, so as a reward, I’ll grant you three wishes. “ The knight already has a castle, money … Read more
Kerry the tomcat was scampering all over the neighborhood – down alleys, up fire escapes, into cellars. A disturbed neighbor knocked on the owner’s door and said, “Your cat is rushing about like mad. ““I know, “the man conceded. “Kerry’s just been neutered, and he’s running around canceling engagements. “ This joke is included in … Read more
Some race horses stay in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 16 races, I’ve won 8 of them!” Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 20! !” “Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 29!” says another, … Read more