Patron Well I’d
Restaurant patron: “Waiter, I’d like a bottle of wine. “ Waiter: “What year, sir?” Patron: “Well, I’d like it right now. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Food Jokes
Soup Kettle
A soldier sought shelter in the cook’s tent during a dust storm that swept over the camp during war maneuvers. He noticed that the lid of the soup kettle was awry, permitting dust to blow into the soup and called it to the cook’s attention. “If you’d put that lid more firmly on that kettle, … Read more
Waiter These Noodles
“Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy. “ Waiter: “That’s because they’re the chopsticks, sir. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Jim’s Birthday
It was Jim’s birthday, and he was considered to be an “old man” by his friends’ standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim’s friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked … Read more
Clean Glass
Two women walked into a restaurant, the first one asked for tea. The second also asks for tea. “And make sure the glass is clean, “she tells the waiter. When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, “Which one of you asked for the clean glass?” This joke is included in … Read more
Diner Watch
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don’t worry, Sir, it’s not that hot! This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Lady Tottered Down
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. … Read more
Religious Person
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well, “he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” … Read more
Waiter Brought
A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: “Waiter! Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup!” “Please don’t speak so loudly, sir, “said the waiter, “or everyone will want one. “ This joke … Read more
All-You-Can-Eat Restaurant Josh
At an all-you-can-eat restaurant Josh came back to the table, his plate full for the sixth time. “Josh!” exclaimed his mother. “Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table six times?” “Not a bit, “said Josh, “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!” This … Read more