When the bar was about to get closed, a very drunk guy got up to go home. He stumbles and falls a couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door. As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the … Read more
A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The huge guy behind the counter bellows, “One burger!” Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill. … Read more
A guy was meeting a friend in a bar, and as he walked in he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, “Nine. “ Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had … Read more
A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says “Give me a beer. “ The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. “Hey boss” he says, “there’s a horse in the bar asking for a beer. “ The bar owner … Read more
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the … Read more
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the … Read more
Three men were having a drink together at the local pub. The first one says, “… You know, where I’m from, there’s a bar called “O’Kelly’s”, where you buy a drink, then you buy another drink, and then O’Kelly himself buys you a drink. “ The second man then says, “Well…where I’m from, there’s a … Read more
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above … Read more
A guy goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy who’s obviously been drinking for a while. The drunk gets up from his stool to go to the bathroom and falls down 3 times. The guy says to himself “I’ll help this guy get home safely” and helps him out to his … Read more
Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior – there’s the best Club in the city. Let’s you and me stop in and have a drink. “ “But we’re private, “protests Junior. “NO, we’s sergeants now, “says … Read more