One afternoon, Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she says, “Mable, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Mable answered, “I have a suppository in my EAR?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m awfully glad you saw this thing. Now I think … Read more
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. “Now don’t let me ever see your face again, “said the … Read more
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We BET we can tell exactly how old you are. “ The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools. “ … Read more
A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women. His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them. “Great, “says his mate, “what is it! ?” “Just walk … Read more
A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seatmate. “I’ve got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?” “I should let you know first that I am a policeman. “ “That’s OK. I’ll tell it to you really slowly!” This joke is included … Read more
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a … Read more
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: “Did you actually see the accident?” The witness: “Yes, sir. “ The lawyer: “How far away were you when the accident happened?” The witness: “Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches. “ The lawyer: … Read more
A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to a foreign country as part of the peacekeeping mission. During a briefing on landmines, the captain asked questions. Our intrepid soldier raised his hand and asked, “If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?” “Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 … Read more
A guy goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy who’s obviously been drinking for a while. The drunk gets up from his stool to go to the bathroom and falls down 3 times. The guy says to himself “I’ll help this guy get home safely” and helps him out to his … Read more
It was an entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: “I’m here to put you into a trance;I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience. “ The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. “I want you each to keep your … Read more