Huge Crack
Two eggs boiling in a pan. One says, “I’ve got a huge crack. “ The other replies, “Stop teasing me, I’m not fucking hard yet. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
General Jokes
God Forgive
Two nuns are walking back to the convent at night when two men push them into a dark alley and start having sex with them. One nun says “God, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!” The second nun says “Speak for yours! Mine is a Master!” This joke is included in … Read more
Recruit Doesn’t Quite
A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they’re at sea for so long. “Let me show … Read more
Crew Members
There once was a pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant. “It’s in case I get shot. I don’t want you crew members to see blood … Read more
Asshole Brian
Brian received a call from a recruitment lady. She said to him: “Sir, I have two openings for you. “ Brian: “Yes I Know. “ *Awkward silence* She: “Asshole” Brian: “I prefer the other one. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Long Complicated Names
One day a tiny Apache indian child walked into Big Chief Sitting Bull’s Teepee. “Sitting Bull, “He asked, “Why does every man in our tribe have such long, complicated names?” “Well, “says Sitting Bull, “Its simple. the night before the mother gives birth, the father goes into the woods and camps for the night. When … Read more
Sells Extra Large
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms. He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?” She responds, “No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can … Read more
Peter Smiles
In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter. When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven. … Read more
Positions Himself
A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets to the point where he can’t stand it anymore. So he decides to try and have sex … Read more
Eyes Checked
“A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. “You need to stop masturbating so much, “the optometrist says. “Why?” asks the man. “Is it going to make me go blind?” The optometrist looks around and says “No, but it’s making the other patients very uncomfortable. “ This joke is included in the Black … Read more