A woman goes to her bank with a cheque from her husband. The cashier tells her it has to be endorsed, so she writes on the back, ‘My husband is a wonderful man.’ A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise. There are three other companies after me.’ … Read more
A drunk falls into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. Floundering around, he looks up and sees Nelson standing on his column. ‘Don’t jump!’ he shouts. ‘This is the shallow end!’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
After 8 rounds the boxer comes back in his corner, extremely grinded. The couch says to him: “You should make a decision! You want the champion title or the Nobel for peace… “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. “Roger, listen, “he told the host, “Walter’s in the kitchen making love to your wife!” “OK, that’s it, guys, “Roger said. “This is positively the last deal. “ This … Read more
A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair … Read more
After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. “But sir, … Read more
A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle’s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The bartender looks at the guy and asks: “What’s wrong with your turtle?” “Not a thing, “the man … Read more
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, ‘You should’ve been here at 8. 30!’ He replies. ‘Why? What happened at 8. 30?’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A retiree said to his 80 year old friend, “Is it true you’re getting married?” “Sure is. “ “Have I met her?” “I don’t think so. “ “Is she attractive?” “Won’t win any beauty contests. “ “Can she cook?” “Can’t even boil an egg. “ “Is she rich?” “Rich? Heck, she’s so poor she can’t … Read more
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, “Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?” “Yes, “the golfer responded. “Did you … Read more