One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, “This is for ladies!” she screamed. The drunk waved his … Read more
Having gone to his secretary’s apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning. “My God!” he shouted, “My wife is going to kill me!” Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife. “Honey!” he began, “Don’t … Read more
Two guys are out hunting deer… The first guy says, “Did you see that?… pointing to the sky. “ “No, “the second guy says. “Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!” the first guy says. “Oh, “says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, “Did … Read more
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. “Well, “said the Englishman, “I support the Liverpool football club, so I’ll eat the liver. “ “I support the Hearts club, “said the Scotsman, “so I’ll eat the heart. “ “I support … Read more
A man goes to the doctor. “Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn’t working. Is there anything else I could try?”. “Fill out this tax form, “suggests the doctor. “How’s that going to help me?”, asks the man. “I’m not sure, “replies the doctor, “but some of my patients say it gives them relief. “ … Read more
A couple went shopping when their car broke down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from … Read more
Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my honest opinion.’ Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Patrick left the pub after having too much to drink. He was taking the underground home. As he started to get on the escalator, he read the sign: ‘Dogs must be carried on the escalator.’ He shouted, ‘Now where am I going to find a dog after midnight?’ This joke is included in the Black … Read more
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily … Read more
A policeman sees a car weaving all over the road and hits his flashing lights. He walks up to the driver’s window and sees a good looking woman behind the wheel. There is a strong smell of liquor on her breath. He says, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you … Read more