Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faces the opposing lawyers. ‘Both of you have given me a bribe,’ he says. ‘You, James, gave me £15,000. And you, Ronald, gave me £10,000.’ The judge reaches into his pocket, pulls out a cheque, and hands it to Tom. ‘I’m returning £5,000, and we’ll now decide … Read more
A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says “Give me a beer. “ The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. “Hey boss” he says, “there’s a horse in the bar asking for a beer. “ The bar owner … Read more
“Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!” “Was it a Jersey cow?” “I am not sure – I didn’t see her license plate!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Two old ladies are at the movies. “Psst, “says one old lady. “I think the guy next to me is beating off. “ “What makes you say that?” “He’s using my hand. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A man is in a bar talking to his friend. “Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house. “ “Did he get anything?”asks his friend. “Yes, “says the man. “A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. My wife thought it was me coming home … Read more
A drunk staggers in a Catholic church late one night and collapses in the confessional. Next morning he’s awoken by the sound of the priest entering the cubicle next to him. The priest addresses him through the grille. “Good morning, my son. What can I do for you?” “You got here just in time, “replies … Read more
A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop. The cop smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said to the priest, “Father, have you been drinking?” The priest replied, “Only water, officer. “ The cop then … Read more
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out … Read more
A divorce lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The lawyer thought for a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street. “ Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in … Read more
A man brought some prescription tablets and started cutting off the edges. This is because he wanted to avoid the side effects. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.