Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?” “Why do you want … Read more
A sixty-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what’s wrong. Through his tears the old man answers, “I’m in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman. “ “What’s wrong with that?” asks the young man. Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, “You don’t understand, every … Read more
Charlie joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day a gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Charlie replies “No, what do you mean?” She says: “You must be … Read more
A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, “Hah! So what are you gonna do about that, little man?” “Nothing, “sighed the little guy despondently. “You see, today has been the worst day of … Read more
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever … Read more
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful, “he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going … Read more
An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning. He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time. The old man … Read more
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see … Read more
A man comes home alone from work. Suddenly he hears this voice saying: “Now it’s time to quit your job, sell your house, take your money and go to Las Vegas. “ He doesn’t pay much attention to it but after a week hearing the same voice, he thinks ok! He quits his job, sells … Read more
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, “Give me the fingers and I’ll see what I can do. “ “But I don’t have the fingers!” “Why didn’t you bring the fingers?!” asks the incredulous doctor. “Doc, I couldn’t pick them … Read more