A guy calls his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, “Who is this?” “This is the maid, “answered the woman. “We don’t have a maid!” “I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house. “ “Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” “Ummm…she’s upstairs in … Read more
A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter. The cashier asks, “Do you have a dog sir?” “Yes, it’s at home, “replies the man. “To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy, … Read more
This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits. She sits down, raises her arm, and says, “Bartender, I would like a drink. “ There’s an old drunk sitting next to her. Slurring, he says, “Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink. “ She … Read more
At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead. The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him. Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd. “Let me at him, I can help … Read more
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who’ll predict her future: “Lady, I’m sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future. “ “Don’t tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. … Read more
Lisa needs brain surgery and figures it’s easier to buy a new brain. She asks the doctor what he has on sale. “Well you’re in luck I have two in stock, a man’s brain for $10000, and a woman’s for $1000. “ Surprised, she asks why the price difference? “Generally women’s brains run cheaper because … Read more
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled … Read more
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was … Read more
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home. “ “Why not?” asked somebody from the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years, “the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a … Read more
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to … Read more