A little girl asks her Mom, “May I take the dog for a walk around the block?” Mom says, “No honey, the dog is in heat. “ “What’s that mean?” asked the child. “Go ask your Father. I think he’s in the garage”. The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, can I … Read more
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for two tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry, “The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema. … Read more
A guy’s walking along the beach and he finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and two blonde genies come out. They tell him they’ll grant him any three wishes he wants. So he makes his wishes… He wakes up in bed with 50 of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen and he’d just … Read more
During camouflage training a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. “You simpleton!” the officer barked. “Don’t you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?” “Yes sir, “the soldier answered apologetically. … Read more
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, “How odd. Scottish sheep are black. “ “No, no, no!” says the physicist. “Only some Scottish sheep are black. “ The mathematician rolls his eyes … Read more
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, “What’s happening?” The runner replied breathlessly, “A lion has escaped from the zoo. “ “Oh my, which way is it heading?” “Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do … Read more
A parrot was in a cage in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg. A man walked in looking to buy a pet, so the shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the … Read more
A boy went into a whore house and said he wanted an AIDS’s infected prostitute. The woman at reception said “Room 12 top of the hall. “ He went to the room and did his business. When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her to be AIDS infected. The boy answered, “When … Read more
A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got run over by the traffic and the cars were sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him. When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog. … Read more
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, “How much is the yellow one?” The assistant says, “$2000. “ The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive. … Read more