A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she … Read more
An old couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary. The wife said to her husband, “Honey, let’s get stark naked and sit at the dining table and eat our dinner!” As they sat at the dining table the wife said, “Honey I am beginning to get very hot and very aroused!” The husband says, “That is … Read more
A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s banker, so the director made a phone call. “Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity, “the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?” The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother … Read more
A 16-year-old boy who works part-time pulls into his parent’s driveway in a Porsche. Naturally, his mom and dad know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to own such a car. “Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad scream in unison. He calmly tells them, “I bought … Read more
A big, burly man visited his pastor’s home and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. “Madam, “he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the … Read more
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoes, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. “What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?” “Oh, … Read more
Husband to stepford wife: “There are times we must save money and make every nickel count!” Wife: “That’s the reason I bought three loaves of bread today. “ Husband: “Three loaves of bread? I haven’t seen anything in the news where there has been a raise in bread. “ Wife: “I don’t know anything about … Read more
Harry was a compulsive gambler who would bet on anything —cars, horses, roulette, dogs, football, baseball, cards, dice, basketball and everything else. One day after a run of bad luck, he said to his best friend, “Buddy, I hate asking you this, but I need $3,000 urgently. We’ve got no food in the house, I … Read more
A couple attended marriage counseling to resolve communication problems. The fighting and bickering during the session was so bad the counselor called for a timeout and told them he was ending the session early but had an assignment for the husband. “John, “the marriage counselor said, “you’re an athletic guy… Here’s what I want you … Read more
A man went into a dentist and asked “How much will it cost to have teeth taken out?” . “$90” said the dentist. “That’s ridiculous, “said the man. “I could lose the anesthetic and it would cost $60”. ” That’s still too expensive, “said the man. ” “If I don’t use any anesthesia I could … Read more