Two bums are walking down the street and they find $100. One says, “Ok, let’s buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on whiskey?. “ The other says, “I don’t get it, why do we need so much bread?. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order … Read more
A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, “I’m Jesus Christ. “ The first priest says, “No, son, I’m Jesus Christ. “ So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, “No, son, I’m Jesus Christ. “ The drunk says, … Read more
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn’t wearing any panties. “Is it cooler without panties?” they ask. She says, “I don’t know if it’s cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon. “ … Read more
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes … Read more
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17. “ The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many … Read more
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, “I have to go change. I’ll be back in a minute. “ Five minutes later, the female egg walked out in a slinky “egg”lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the … Read more
A magician comes to a seniors’ home for entertainment in the afternoon: “Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?” Seniors, enthusiastically, “Yeaaaah!” Magician, winking, “But not for looooong… !” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There’s a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve … Read more
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors, “he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in … Read more
Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then the three men are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison … Read more