Two old people flirt at a seniors’ singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, “If I took you out for a full night of winning, dining and dancing, what would you wear?” The old woman replies shyly, “Depends…“ “Depends on what?” he asks. “On my bottom – where else?!” … Read more
A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!” This happened two more times, with a single and … Read more
Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory. He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back. “Eggs, “replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away. … Read more
David had been extremely anxious for years. It got to the point where his compulsive worrying was ruining his life, so he went to a psychiatrist, who recommended that David hire a professional worrier. After he’d been working with the specialist for a few months, David’s friend John noticed a change. “What happened?” John asked. … Read more
A lawyer cross-examined the adversary’s main witness. “You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Willson house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?” “Objection, your honor, “shouted the other lawyer. There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 75 minutes, the … Read more
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 75 year old woman becomes pregnant and delivers a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 75 year old mother says, “Not yet. “ A little later they ask to see … Read more
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-0ld draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. “Was I getting in the tub or out?” she yells. The 94-year-old hollers back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up to see. “She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, “Was … Read more
A teen goes and sees a psychiatrist. Teen: I tend to over-exaggerate things. Psychiatrist: How many times does this happen? Teen: Over a bazillion times. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
An old man is being interviewed on live TV “Hello everybody. We are with Michael, who is 97 years old. Michael, tell us, what’s your secret?” “During the war, I sucked off a Nazi soldier in exchange for food. “ “…I meant about your age. “ “Ah… Eating healthy. “ This joke is included in … Read more
Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, “Mine’s OK. We get it on every week, but it’s no big adventure. How’s yours?” Sally replied, “It’s been great ever since we got into S&M. “ Sue was surprised. “Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you’d go for that. “ “Oh, sure, … Read more