“You seem to be in some distress, “said the kindly judge to the witness. “Is anything the matter?’ “Well, your Honor, “said the witness, “I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects. “ This joke is included in the Black Book … Read more
Two prisoners are talking about their crimes: George: “I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years” Herman: “Hmm. I killed a man, and I’m here for 3 days” George: “*What? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???” Herman: “Yeah, the man was a lawyer. … Read more
Judge: “Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court. “ Accused: “Hahahaha!” Judge: “I wasn’t talking to you!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him. Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case. ‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’ ‘Why?’ asks the judge. ‘He won … Read more
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?” “That it is, “Irish … Read more
“From tomorrow you are free!” the lawyer informs his client. “Yes, I’m so happy, I have nothing to say”, grumbled the prisoner. “I tormented myself for 5 years to make a rope ladder, 3 years to rasp the cage bars and you came now with the amnesty ordinance, exactly now when I wanted to break … Read more
Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my honest opinion.’ Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks plastic. “ Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But it … Read more
A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder. After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted. The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’. The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’. This joke is included in the Black Book of … Read more
A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat. While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat. The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God! Help me, help me!’ His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter. The lawyer points to … Read more