A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining to a prospective patient. He told her, “I’ll install a special screw in the top of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you need a little tuck, we’ll just tighten the screw a little,… and … Read more
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. “I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?” “Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off … Read more
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter asks him if he’s done any good. The man says no. So St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery. The man says, “I was refereeing a match in London between England and Germany. The score was 0-0 and there was … Read more
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one. ‘Eighty percent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’ ‘Well,’ says the other. ‘That will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia. ‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor. ‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer. ‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A cop stopped a drunk at about dawn. The cop asked, “Can you explain why you’re out at this hour?” “If I could, “the drunk said, “I’d be home by now!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s … Read more
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. “Well, go in the bushes. “ “What should I use to wipe my ass?” “Use a dollar bill. “ A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with shit all over his … Read more
A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asks the salesclerk. “Well, they feel a bit tight, “replies the blonde. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet. “Try pulling the tongue out, “offers the clerk. “Nath, … Read more
Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?” Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.