An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said, “I should tell you I have acute angina. “ The old man says, “I hope so. You sure don’t have cute tits. “ This … Read more
A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the driver’s window and asks, “You drinkin’?” The driver said, “You buyin’?” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early sir”, replied the defendant. “Well that’s not a crime”, said the judge! “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened”, answered the prisoner. This joke is … Read more
Man goes to the doctors and says “Doctor, I can’t stop my hands from shaking !” Doctor replies “Do you drink much ?” Man says “no, I spill most of it !” Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. … Read more
The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him … Read more
Doc, says Steve, “I want to be castrated. “ “What on Earth for?” “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. If you don’t do it, I’ll just go to another doctor. “ “OK, but it’s against my better judgment. “ Steve has his operation. The next day he walks down the hospital … Read more
A man calls a lawyer’s office. A voice answers, ‘Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz.’ The man says, ‘Let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘I’m sorry, he’s on vacation.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s in a big case, not available for a week.’ ‘Okay, then, let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘Speaking.’ This joke … Read more
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. “Look, “she … Read more
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four”. Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell … Read more
Patient: “Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill. “ Doctor: “Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.