A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, “We have this little policy of allowing you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hell. “ “How do I know which to choose?” She asked. “That’s easy, “said St. Peter. “You have to spend a day in each … Read more
A man walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the guy started to leave. “Excuse me”, said a customer, who was puzzled over what the guy had done. “What was … Read more
This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. “Dude, “he told a friend, “I’ve tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back. “ “I had the same thing man, “his friend says. “All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes. “ “That’s it?” the guy asked. … Read more
An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language. “ “I’m surprised, “said the owner. “I’ve never taught that bird to swear. “ “Oh, it isn’t that, “explained the professor. “But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of … Read more
One day a family is wondering what to cook for dinner. They have many ideas but each idea doesn’t sound good. Eventually, they go to the living room to watch tv when all of a sudden a knock at the door. The mother answers it and it’s a nun saying she’s going door to door … Read more
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary couldn’t believe it! He said, “What’s wrong with … Read more
Two bums are walking down the street and they find $100. One says, “Ok, let’s buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on whiskey?. “ The other says, “I don’t get it, why do we need so much bread?. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order … Read more
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing. “ Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the two hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class. “ … Read more
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: “Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face. “ “Yes, sir, “the boys said. “Then why is it that … Read more
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket. “ He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch. “ This joke is included in … Read more