After many years of service, a rich lady decides to fire her maid and hire someone younger. When she hears the news, the maid takes a steak out of the fridge and throws it to the family dog. “Why did you do that?” asks the lady of the house. “I will never forget a friend, … Read more
The bartender asked a guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have? The guy answered, “A scotch, please. “ The bartender handed him the drink and said, “That’ll be $5. “ The guy said, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this. “ A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, … Read more
In the zoo, a giraffe, talking to a buffalo says, “Yeah, I know. They can totally get out but they choose to hang around. “ A seal says to a walrus, “That’s right. I’ve seen the big hairy one crawling under the bushes outside the gate. “ A woodchuck says to a prairie dog, “I … Read more
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won … Read more
A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork … Read more
Two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. “Hey Tom” said Oscar to his friend, “You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny … Read more
A woman was visiting the zoo when she passed two workmen that were crying. “Why are you guys crying?” she asked. One replied, “One of the elephants just died. “ “The big elephant must have been your favorite animal in the zoo?” she asked. “No, Ma’am– love has nothing to do with it. The boss … Read more
A vain lion wanted to find out why the other animals were not as beautiful as he. First, he asked a giraffe. The giraffe did not know. Next, the lion asked a bear. The bear had no answer. Then the lion asked a hippopotamus, and again got no answer. Finally, the lion met a mouse. … Read more
Being airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Dublin the lead flight attendant nervously made the following announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up… one minute prior to take-off, by our catering service… , I don’t … Read more
A man was walking through the grounds of a university one morning when he noticed a young blind woman struggling with her guide-Dog. The animal was resolutely pulling in one direction, she in another. When he offered assistance, the young woman replied, “No thanks, this is a family argument. The dog knows I’m supposed to … Read more