Humor , distilled.
Discover jokes , memes and funny quotes to brighten your day.
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Latest Jokes
Welcome to Jokes.ltd, the Internet’s leading repository for carefully distilled humor. In a world cluttered with endless feeds and overwhelming noise, we recognized the need for a streamlined, highly efficient platform dedicated entirely to making you laugh
Shallow End
April 5, 2026
A drunk falls into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. Floundering around, he looks up and sees Nelson standing on his column. ‘Don’t jump!’ he shouts. ‘This is the shallow end!’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Helpful Suggested
April 5, 2026
Patrick, a teenager , worked part time in a hardware store. One day a man came in to buy hooks for hanging plants. But there were only two hooks left in the gold color that he needed. Patrick, trying to be helpful, suggested, “Could you maybe use the silver or the white instead?” The customer
Electric Company
April 5, 2026
A woman goes to her bank with a cheque from her husband. The cashier tells her it has to be endorsed, so she writes on the back, ‘My husband is a wonderful man.’ A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise. There are three other companies after me.’
Arrested Jerry
April 5, 2026
Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him. Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case. ‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’ ‘Why?’ asks the judge. ‘He won
Clerk I’d
April 5, 2026
An engineer goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, “I’d like to register my new invention. It’s a folding bottle. “ “OK, “says the clerk. “What do you call it?” “A fottle, replies the inventor. “ “A fottle? That’s a stupid! Can’t you think of
Sunday Caddy
April 5, 2026
The Golfer asked his Caddy, “Hey boy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday? Caddy replied, “The way you play, Sir, its a crime any day of the week!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Treding Jokes
The most popular jokes currently circulating the database. Guaranteed to provide an immediate return on your procrastination investment.
Giorgio Rushes
April 5, 2026
Giorgo and his beautiful girl-friend Isabella rush in to see the vicar: “We want to get married. Here are all our papers, and these two people are our witnesses. Can you do a quick service?” The vicar is amused. He marries the two young people, pockets his fee and asks: “Isn’t there a proverb, something
Bites Yes
April 5, 2026
“Don’t be afraid of the dog, “said the lady to Little Johnny, who was delivering her groceries. “You know the old proverb, ‘A barking dog never bites?’“ “Yes, “replied Little Johnny. “You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?” This joke is included in the Black Book of
Trained Parrot
April 5, 2026
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her. So the first son bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her. The second son bought her a