Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, “Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks. “ The second guy says, “I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch. “ The third guy says, … Read more
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porn theater to … Read more
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above … Read more
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, “What was that for?” She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with ‘Betty Sue’ written on it. “ He says, “Jeez, honey, remember … Read more
Control tower: “What are your coordinates?” Pilot: “I’m by a cloud that looks like a lion. “ Control tower: “Can you be more specific?” Pilot: “Simba” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get underway. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the … Read more
An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language. “ “I’m surprised, “said the owner. “I’ve never taught that bird to swear. “ “Oh, it isn’t that, “explained the professor. “But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of … Read more
Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: “What happened here, man?” “Pff, my mother-in-law died, “he said. “Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, … Read more
A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter. The cashier asks, “Do you have a dog sir?” “Yes, it’s at home, “replies the man. “To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy, … Read more
The Queen was showing the prime minister around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn’t be ignored. “Oh dear, “said the Queen, “How embarrassing. I’m frightfully sorry about that. “ “It’s quite understandable, “said the prime minister, and after a moment added, “as a matter of fact … Read more