While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date. The … Read more
One day, a spaceship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple to his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so … Read more
A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, “Mom, what’s that long thing on the elephant?” “That’s the elephant’s trunk, dear, “she replied. “No, Mom, down underneath. “ His mother blushed and said, “Oh, that’s nothing. “ The father returned, … Read more
A husband and wife decide to make a password for sex, they decide on a ‘washing machine’. Later in bed that night husband says, “Washing machine. “ Wife replies, “Not tonight darling I have a sore head. “ Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says, “Washing machine. “ Husband replies, “Too … Read more
A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower. The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger … Read more
Walking home after a girls’ night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second … Read more
A bus full of nuns crashes and unfortunately they all die at the gates of heaven they meet St Peter. He asks the first nun: “Have you ever had any contact with a penis?” The nun replies: “I poked one once. “ St Peter says: “Wash your finger in this holy water and enter heaven. … Read more
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance. Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I … Read more
A man in a pub asks for a beer. The barman says, “Sure, that’ll be one dollar. “ “One dollar?” exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, “Could I have steak and chips?” “Certainly, “says the barman, “that’ll be two dollars. “ “Two dollars?” cries the man. “You’re joking. Where’s the guy who owns … Read more
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, “If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I’d be a little bull. “ The driver gets annoyed as the kids continue to yammer on. “If my dad was an rooster and my mom a … Read more