A not so bright young lady in the pet shop asks about buying a goldfish. The salesperson asked if she needed an aquarium. Her reply was, “I don’t care what sign it is. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Three men, a Frenchman, an Italian, and a Jew, were condemned to be executed. Their captors told them that they had the right to have a final meal before the execution. They asked the Frenchman what he wanted. “Give me some good French wine and French bread, “he requested. So they gave it to him, … Read more
A snail was involved in an accident that resulted in his shell being torn completely off. Hearing about the accident, one of his friends rushed over ,as much as a snail can rush to his friend’s house. “I heard about your accident!” he exclaimed, and then asked, “How are you feeling?” The recovering snail answered, … Read more
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, “OK, but do you realize they won’t be as effective?” The old man says, “Listen sonny, I’m 80 years old. I don’t want them for sex but to get … Read more
A woman visited a modern-art gallery. One painting was bright blue with vivid orange swirls and the one hanging next to it was black with lime-green splotches. The artist stood nearby, so as politely as she could, the woman said to him, “I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand your paintings. “ “I paint what … Read more
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?” “1956, “was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!” … Read more
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick. An ugly woman is passing and remarks “If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady … “ He replies “If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!” This joke … Read more
A circus is holding auditions and an eighty-five year old man shows up. “What do you do?” asks the ringmaster. “I bend over backwards, “says the man, “and pick up a handkerchief off the floor with my teeth. “ “Wow, “says the ringmaster, impressed that this elderly man is agile enough to do this. “Then … Read more
A guy goes in to join the circus. The ringmaster looks at him and says, “This isn’t like the old days, kid. We don’t just take anyone off the street anymore. You have to have some kind of unique talent. “ The guy pleads with him, “Just give me a minute and I’ll show you … Read more
An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home. They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each other’s company. After about three weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to the woman, “I know we are both old and can’t do much sexually … Read more