A man wakes up after spending 20 years in a coma. One of the first things he does is ring his stockbroker. ‘Your assets have increased considerably,’ says the stockbroker. ‘The £20,000 you had invested with us is now worth £20 million.’ ‘That’s fantastic,’ says the man. Just then the phone starts beeping and a … Read more
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. “That’s my pager, “he says. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm. “ A few minutes later a phone rings. The second … Read more
A cell phone rings in a full mens locker room, the man answers the phone He puts it on the speaker. Man: “Hello!” Woman: “Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” Man: “Yes. “ Woman: “I’m at the mall and I just saw this beautiful leather coat and it’s only $2,000, can I … Read more
A Microsoft support technician goes to a firing range. He shoots ten bullets at the target 50m away. The supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit. They shout to him that he missed completely. The technician tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer. The technician then aims … Read more
A computer programmer has been missing from work for over a week. Finally someone notices and calls the police. They break down the door of his flat where they find him dead in the shower, an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body. The programmer seems to have died from a combination of exposure … Read more
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “Great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl … Read more
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. “If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, “boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an … Read more
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down. The Mechanical Engineer said, “I think a rod broke. “ The Chemical Engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I don’t think it’s getting … Read more
There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses. “ She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. While dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asked, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?” … Read more
A man walks into a sperm Bank. He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle and decides to start a conversation with him. He approaches the man and says “So then, do you come here often?” The man replies “Only when the internet is off” and walks off. This joke … Read more