Humor , distilled.
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Latest Jokes
Welcome to Jokes.ltd, the Internet’s leading repository for carefully distilled humor. In a world cluttered with endless feeds and overwhelming noise, we recognized the need for a streamlined, highly efficient platform dedicated entirely to making you laugh
Heavy Sandbag Fell
April 5, 2026
A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: “Please don’t use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob. “ He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the
Fall Semester Classes
April 5, 2026
A young lady was a theater major applying for fall semester classes. At the end of the busy day she goes back to her dorm and enters in a huff of anger. “What’s wrong, Suzzy?” asks her roommate. “Well, all the acting classes are filled. I couldn’t even get into Mime class. “ “Why not?”
Scary Woodland
April 5, 2026
Two hitmen are walking together deep into a scary woodland. The first hitman says, “I don’t mind admitting I feel a little afraid!” The second hitman replies, “How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Customer We’re
April 5, 2026
A store manager overheard one of his salesmen talking to a customer. “No sir, “said the salesman. “We haven’t had any for a while and it doesn’t look like we’ll be getting any soon. “ The manager was horrified and yelled after the departing customer, “Come back next week. We’re sure to have whatever it
High Rise
April 5, 2026
Patient: I was born C-Section and every time I leave my house I constantly fight the urge to go out the window. Doctor: On a scale of one to ten how bad is this problem? Patient: I’d have to say a ten considering I live on the 88th floor of a high rise. This joke
Banker Stared
April 5, 2026
One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer. The officer saw the whole thing and said “You bankers
Treding Jokes
The most popular jokes currently circulating the database. Guaranteed to provide an immediate return on your procrastination investment.
Giorgio Rushes
April 5, 2026
Giorgo and his beautiful girl-friend Isabella rush in to see the vicar: “We want to get married. Here are all our papers, and these two people are our witnesses. Can you do a quick service?” The vicar is amused. He marries the two young people, pockets his fee and asks: “Isn’t there a proverb, something
Bites Yes
April 5, 2026
“Don’t be afraid of the dog, “said the lady to Little Johnny, who was delivering her groceries. “You know the old proverb, ‘A barking dog never bites?’“ “Yes, “replied Little Johnny. “You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?” This joke is included in the Black Book of
Trained Parrot
April 5, 2026
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her. So the first son bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her. The second son bought her a