Humor , distilled.
Discover jokes , memes and funny quotes to brighten your day.
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Latest Jokes
Welcome to Jokes.ltd, the Internet’s leading repository for carefully distilled humor. In a world cluttered with endless feeds and overwhelming noise, we recognized the need for a streamlined, highly efficient platform dedicated entirely to making you laugh
Marine Boot Camp
April 5, 2026
It was 5:00 in the morning at the U. S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, “This is an inspection! I wanna see you’s all formed up outside butt naked NOW!” So, the soldier’s quickly jumped out of bed, naked
Bathroom Scale
April 5, 2026
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha¬¬! That’s not going to help, “she said. “Sure, it does, “he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Bigger Fat Upset
April 5, 2026
My wife told me, “Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat. “ “You’re much bigger than that. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Kitkats Mars Bars
April 5, 2026
Just been to the gym and there’s a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. It’s good though, it does everything ‘Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Wear Those Stripes
April 5, 2026
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, “I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!” “Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive. “ “I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?” “Oh NO! I just said that the way you
Meant Dress Size
April 5, 2026
A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again. “ On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide,
Treding Jokes
The most popular jokes currently circulating the database. Guaranteed to provide an immediate return on your procrastination investment.
Giorgio Rushes
April 5, 2026
Giorgo and his beautiful girl-friend Isabella rush in to see the vicar: “We want to get married. Here are all our papers, and these two people are our witnesses. Can you do a quick service?” The vicar is amused. He marries the two young people, pockets his fee and asks: “Isn’t there a proverb, something
Bites Yes
April 5, 2026
“Don’t be afraid of the dog, “said the lady to Little Johnny, who was delivering her groceries. “You know the old proverb, ‘A barking dog never bites?’“ “Yes, “replied Little Johnny. “You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?” This joke is included in the Black Book of
Trained Parrot
April 5, 2026
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her. So the first son bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her. The second son bought her a