Humor , distilled.
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Latest Jokes
Welcome to Jokes.ltd, the Internet’s leading repository for carefully distilled humor. In a world cluttered with endless feeds and overwhelming noise, we recognized the need for a streamlined, highly efficient platform dedicated entirely to making you laugh
Long Lines
April 5, 2026
A sergeant gives a private a hard time. He says, “Private, I bet you are just waiting for me to die so you can come and urinate on my grave!” The private replied, “No sir, when I get out of the army I am not going to stand in long, long lines!” This joke is
Clergyman Besides Haven’t
April 5, 2026
The pastor of a local church was visited by a man evidently worse for liquor, and a young lady. She said to the minister, “Please, sir, we’ve come to be married. “ “I can’t marry you with this man in this condition, “said the clergyman. “Besides, haven’t you been here twice before, and haven’t I
Sergeant Major
April 5, 2026
A young Navy officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn’t physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
Traffic Violation
April 5, 2026
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court, “he smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not pass through
Per Cent Extra
April 5, 2026
A shopkeeper goes to the police to say that he has been robbed. A shoplifter came into his shop, he says, opened a packet of biscuits and ate some of them. Then the man just walked out without paying. The police find the man and bring him in. “I’ve done nothing wrong, “he says. “The
I’ve Lost Pounds
April 5, 2026
Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, “Seems like all my boyfriend and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds in two weeks. “ “Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend. “Not yet, “the first replied, “I’d like to
Treding Jokes
The most popular jokes currently circulating the database. Guaranteed to provide an immediate return on your procrastination investment.
Giorgio Rushes
April 5, 2026
Giorgo and his beautiful girl-friend Isabella rush in to see the vicar: “We want to get married. Here are all our papers, and these two people are our witnesses. Can you do a quick service?” The vicar is amused. He marries the two young people, pockets his fee and asks: “Isn’t there a proverb, something
Bites Yes
April 5, 2026
“Don’t be afraid of the dog, “said the lady to Little Johnny, who was delivering her groceries. “You know the old proverb, ‘A barking dog never bites?’“ “Yes, “replied Little Johnny. “You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?” This joke is included in the Black Book of
Trained Parrot
April 5, 2026
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her. So the first son bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her. The second son bought her a