Jokes Ltd A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick. An ugly woman is passing and remarks “If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady … “ He replies “If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!” This joke … Read more
Toward the end of a particularly trying round of golf, Jack was the picture of frustration. He’d hit too many far shots. Finally he blurted out to his caddie, “I’d move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course. “ “Try heaven, “replied the caddie. “You’ve already moved most of the earth. “ … Read more
A new pianist is needed in a posh restaurant in Manhattan. A guy called David comes in and says “Hi there, I’m here about the pianist position. “ The manager replies “That is awesome, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?” David sits at the piano and starts … Read more
A lady walks into a fancy jewelry store. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person … Read more
“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Father, “an embarrassed woman said after a church service “when my husband walked out during your sermon. “ “I did find it rather disconcerting, “the vicar replied. “It’s not a reflection on you, Father” insisted the church goer. “Christopher has been walking in his sleep ever since he … Read more
A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer. A man passes and asks him what the matter is. “I don’t know what to do, “says the drunk. “My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days. “ This joke … Read more
Things have reached a crisis point in Sophie’s marriage. “If things are so bad, “her friend advises her. “Then you should leave your husband. “ “I would, “says Sophie. “If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of … Read more
Dan was walking down the street with his wife earlier when she accused him of being ashamed to be seen with her. “That’s total bullshit. “Dan replied. By text, from across the road. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Boy comes up to his father, all angry, “Dad, you remember how you told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks? How did you say it would impress the girls?” Father looks up, smiling, “Yeah, did it work?” The boy screams, “You could have mentioned that the potato goes in the front!” This … Read more
Secretary: “Doctor, the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment. “ Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.