Police Jokes

Curb Cars Cop

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A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, “Can I park here?” “No, “says the cop. “What about all these other cars?” “They didn’t ask!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.

Ma’am Explained

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A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?” “No, ma’am, “explained the officer, “it’s your foot. “ This joke … Read more

Afraid I’ll Need

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Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. “Aye, so I have’tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. … Read more

Smell Wine

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A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop. The cop smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said to the priest, “Father, have you been drinking?” The priest replied, “Only water, officer. “ The cop then … Read more

Wouldn’t Listen

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The Judge said to the defendant. “I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again. “ “Your Honor, “the criminal said, “that’s what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn’t listen. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.

Days Later

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A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car. He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40. A few days later, he gets a letter from the police department with a … Read more

Enormous Smile Inspector

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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 65, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 28, won a … Read more

Officer Sure Parole

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At a parole hearing, the officer asked, “Tell me, why should you be released early?” The inmate responded, “It’s bec… “ Officer: “Yes?” Inmate: “I think I have. . “ Officer: “Go on. “ Inmate: “Can I Please finish my sentence?” Officer: “Sure. Parole denied. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of … Read more

Sign Painted Tips

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A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, “SPEED TRAP AHEAD”. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted “TIPS” … Read more