Uncle gives little Johnny a £5 note for his birthday. ‘Spend it carefully,’ says Uncle. “Remember – a fool and his money are soon parted.’ Little Johnny replies, ‘Well you certainly handed it over fast enough.’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. “Well, “said the Englishman, “I support the Liverpool football club, so I’ll eat the liver. “ “I support the Hearts club, “said the Scotsman, “so I’ll eat the heart. “ “I support … Read more
An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks plastic. “ Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But it … Read more
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect. “ “Really, “answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A man wakes up after spending 20 years in a coma. One of the first things he does is ring his stockbroker. ‘Your assets have increased considerably,’ says the stockbroker. ‘The £20,000 you had invested with us is now worth £20 million.’ ‘That’s fantastic,’ says the man. Just then the phone starts beeping and a … Read more
Tony: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. James: That’s what I’m afraid of! This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, “Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. “By the time I was 50, I could … Read more
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. “That’s my pager, “he says. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm. “ A few minutes later a phone rings. The second … Read more
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. “Look, “she … Read more
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend: “What gift would you like to receive during St. Valentine’s Day?” “Well, I don’t know” she answers shyly. “OK, I ‘ll give you another year to think about it…” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.