Humor , distilled.
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Latest Jokes
Welcome to Jokes.ltd, the Internet’s leading repository for carefully distilled humor. In a world cluttered with endless feeds and overwhelming noise, we recognized the need for a streamlined, highly efficient platform dedicated entirely to making you laugh
Word Contagious Johnny
April 5, 2026
Little Johnny is sitting in class, the teacher is going over vocabulary words. She asks the class to use a word in a sentence. The teacher says the word is “contagious”. Johnny is waving his arm up and down, no other students have their arm up. The teacher figures there is no way Johnny can
Report Card Johnny
April 5, 2026
Johnny’s father: “Let me see your report card. “ Johnny: “I don’t have it. “ Johnny’s father: “Why not?” Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Bartender Smiles – Young Walks
April 5, 2026
A young man walks into a bar and orders a whisky. As soon as he is severed he slams it down. And before the bartender can walk away he calls out I need a shot of tequila. So the bartender pours the tequila. And no sooner than he is served he slams it back and
Baby Brother We’ll
April 5, 2026
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of
Guidelines Illegibly Legibly
April 5, 2026
“Doctors son: “Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success. “ Doctor father: “Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
English Teacher Died
April 5, 2026
“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today. “said the boy. “Why not, son?” “Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day. “
Treding Jokes
The most popular jokes currently circulating the database. Guaranteed to provide an immediate return on your procrastination investment.
Giorgio Rushes
April 5, 2026
Giorgo and his beautiful girl-friend Isabella rush in to see the vicar: “We want to get married. Here are all our papers, and these two people are our witnesses. Can you do a quick service?” The vicar is amused. He marries the two young people, pockets his fee and asks: “Isn’t there a proverb, something
Bites Yes
April 5, 2026
“Don’t be afraid of the dog, “said the lady to Little Johnny, who was delivering her groceries. “You know the old proverb, ‘A barking dog never bites?’“ “Yes, “replied Little Johnny. “You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?” This joke is included in the Black Book of
Trained Parrot
April 5, 2026
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her. So the first son bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her. The second son bought her a