A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, “Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and suddenly, … Read more
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman “Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses. “ The woman answered, “Well, I have contacts. “ The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You … Read more
Paddy asks Murphy, ‘Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?” Murphy replies, “If they fell forwards they’d still be on the fucking boat!” This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Shop assistant: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small. Shop assistant: You didn’t even try it on? Psychic: I’m a medium. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident – body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: “Head on bullevard” and scratches out his spelling error. “Head on bouelevard” Nope, doesn’t look right – scratch scratch. “Head on boolevard… … Read more
“I’m sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night, “Mike told his girlfriend. “I’ve spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me. “ “Oh, that’s really nice, “she said. “What did you use to remove the stains?” “Scissors, “Mike replied. This … Read more
The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. “Good lord, mister, “he gasped, “Are you drunk?” “Of course, “said the man, … Read more
Roger was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweler’s shop. The jeweler inquired, “Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?” Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, “No, instead engrave ‘To my one and only love’. “ The jeweler smiled and said, “Yes, … Read more
Jim was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. He said, “Can I see your ticket please?” “Not right now” Jim shouted, “I’m having a shit!” He said, “I don’t believe you, can you pass it under the door?” “No problem, “Jim said, sliding it under. “The … Read more