Patient: “Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?” Doctor: “How old are you now?” Patient: “Forty. “ Doctor: “Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?” Patient: “No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice. “ Doctor: “Then why do … Read more
The man pulled over to the side of the road when he saw the police lights in his rear view mirror. “How long have you been riding around without a tail light?” asked the officer. “Oh, no!” screamed the man, jumping out of the car. “Calm down, it isn’t that serious, “said the officer. “Wait … Read more
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks. “ “And did he?” “Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Having put in over 300 miles behind the wheel during the first day of the cross country business trip, the weary salesman was prepared to stop at the first motel along the road, when he spotted a sign advertising, “Grandma’s Whorehouse 30 Miles Ahead. “ His spirits understandably cheered, the salesman drove on to Grandma’s … Read more
The new office-boy came into his boss’s office and said, “I think you’re wanted on the phone, Sir. “ “What do you mean, you think?” demanded the boss. “Well, Sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said “Is that you, you old fool?” This joke is included in the Black Book of … Read more
While he was spending time with one of his best friends, Jake received a text message. His girlfriend texted him and asked him if he would like to spend the weekend watching football games, eating chicken wings, and drinking beer. This excited Jake, because he thought he had already found the perfect mate, so he … Read more
As a man serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let him know that the store was having a 20 percent off sale. “I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something, “she suggested. “I don’t have a girlfriend, “he answered. “No girlfriend? Why not?” “My wife won’t … Read more
On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight. . Then, forgetting to turn off the … Read more
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why, that’s the talking clock, “the man replied. “How does it work?” “Watch”, the man said, giving … Read more