A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” He answered, “No. “ The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was “Why?” The lawyer answered it anyway: “Never got caught. “ This joke is included in … Read more
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket. “ He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch. “ This joke is included in … Read more
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes … Read more
A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump. The sergeant gives instructions: “After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn’t, pull the emergency cord. When you get to the drop zone, there’ll be trucks waiting to take you back to the … Read more
A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter. The cashier asks, “Do you have a dog sir?” “Yes, it’s at home, “replies the man. “To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy, … Read more
Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: “What happened here, man?” “Pff, my mother-in-law died, “he said. “Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, … Read more
One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run… but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus … Read more
A woman is approaching a small bar. She calls the barkeeper and when he is standing in front of her she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. “Are you the boss of this bar?” she asks and touches his … Read more
A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel’s elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, “Armani, $100 an ounce. “ On the next floor, an equally beautiful woman steps on and says, “Chanel, $150 an ounce. “ The old lady’s floor approaches and as … Read more