Burned Calories
Mike: “I just burned 3000 calories in 20 minutes. “ Lilly: “How?” Mike: “I forgot to take my pizza out of the oven. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Jokes Ltd
Lawn Mower
A guy had the courage,but not the skills to tackle home-repair projects. His garage was littered with the pieces of a lawn mower he once tried to fix. One day his wife found him in the living room, attacking the vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. “I can’t get this thing to cooperate!” he exclaimed. His … Read more
Cats Polite Bury
Wife to husband: “Did you like supper?” Trying to be polite, the husband says, “Yes. “ The wife says, “I was just wondering, because when I gave some to the cats they tried to bury it. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Thy Commandments I’ve
Two men were adrift in an open boat, and it looked bad for them. Finally one of them, frightened, began to pray. “O Lord, “he prayed, “I’ve broken most of thy commandments. I’ve been a hard drinker, but if my life is spared now I’ll promise never again… “ “Wait a minute, Jack, “said his … Read more
Seem Happy
A foreign correspondent did a feature story in a country in the Middle East. She noted women walked five paces behind their husbands. Years later she returned to the same country in the Middle East and observed that women still walked behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the old regime, the women now seem … Read more
Kitchen Sweetheart Please
Two friends are in the living room. The wife of one of them is in the kitchen. “Sweetheart, please, can you hand us the bottle of whisky?” he says. And then, again, “Sweetheart, and two glasses please?” The other man stares at him and says, “My gosh, how long have you been married?” “Thirty years. … Read more
Taxi Driver – Goes Business
A man goes on a business trip to Manchester during the course of which he has to make a long journey by taxi. During the journey, the driver decides to break the monotony and says to the man, “Do you like riddles?” “Oh yes, “says the man, “I think so. “ “OK, “says the taxi … Read more
News Honey You’ve
A guy was gazing at the stars through his binoculars when his wife came out in a new dress. She asked if it made her hips look smaller. He paused for a second, turned his binoculars around, and then looked at her. “I’ve got some good news honey, you’ve never looked better. “ This joke … Read more
Aircraft Each
A hypothetical situation where 20 CEO’s board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilot-less technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEO’s is then told, privately, that their company’s software is Aircraft’s automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEO’s … Read more
Stafford County Demolition
A twice married and divorced well-to-do business man named Ralph felt he finally found his soulmate in a woman half his age. Dorothy, his new wife, was pretty, dirty blond hair, and not all that bright, but Ralph didn’t care. He would do anything to make her happy, and on Dorothy’s birthday he called her … Read more