Jokes Ltd The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. “Good lord, mister, “he gasped, “Are you drunk?” “Of course, “said the man, … Read more
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex. “ “But you are not wearing any of those things, “replied the artist. “I know, “she said. “It’s in case I die before my husband. … Read more
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, “I’m a salesman. What about you?” “I’m a hit man for the mob, “replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first … Read more
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. “Why couldn’t this happen on my last day of hunting?!” the hunter cried to the doctor. “It did, “the doctor replied. This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can … Read more
Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he’s concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, “You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?” Dan … Read more
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, “Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He … Read more
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?” “We don’t have any money for food, “the poor man replied. “We have to eat … Read more
Roger was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, at a very smart jeweler’s shop. The jeweler inquired, “Would you like your girlfriend’s name engraved on it?” Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, “No, instead engrave ‘To my one and only love’. “ The jeweler smiled and said, “Yes, … Read more
A lawyer awoke from surgery, and noticed that all the blinds in his room were closed. He asked a nurse, “Why are all the blinds drawn?” The nurse answered, “Well, there’s a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to think you had died. “ This joke is included in the Black Book … Read more
Jim was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. He said, “Can I see your ticket please?” “Not right now” Jim shouted, “I’m having a shit!” He said, “I don’t believe you, can you pass it under the door?” “No problem, “Jim said, sliding it under. “The … Read more