Patron Well I’d
Restaurant patron: “Waiter, I’d like a bottle of wine. “ Waiter: “What year, sir?” Patron: “Well, I’d like it right now. “ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. You can order it from here.
Jokes
Browse a highly curated database of jokes designed to optimize your daily dopamine metrics. From efficient dad jokes to complex narrative punchlines, these text assets are guaranteed to lower your productivity, increase your morale, and provide a measurable return on engagement.
Father’s Nephew
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: “You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation: “A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and I got myself … Read more
Simple Explanation I’ll
The mother-in-law stopped by her daughter’s house after shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase. “What happened?” she asked anxiously. “What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife, your daughter, telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I … Read more
Trusty Indian Scout
An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. “You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here. “ The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the … Read more
Lady Threw
One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door. When he opens the door, there stands a bum who asks, “Can I have a toothpick?” The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the … Read more
Soup Kettle
A soldier sought shelter in the cook’s tent during a dust storm that swept over the camp during war maneuvers. He noticed that the lid of the soup kettle was awry, permitting dust to blow into the soup and called it to the cook’s attention. “If you’d put that lid more firmly on that kettle, … Read more
Inventor Winked
A man had an idea that could make him rich. After it was perfected he brought it to an inventors’ help group. When asked what his great invention was, he pulled out an apple. The group looked at it and started laughing. The inventor said, “You don’t understand! Taste it. “ A volunteer tried it … Read more
Passer-By Offers
It’s night and a drunk is crawling along the pavement looking for something. A passer-by offers to help and asks what’s missing. The drunk replies that he’s lost his watch. ‘And where did you lose it?’ asks the passer-by. ‘About half a mile up the road,’ replies the drunk. ‘So why are you down here?’ … Read more
Brown Paper Boots
A man walks into the sheriff’s office… “I want to become a deputy!” “Good, I want you to catch this man” says the sheriff handling the man, a wanted poster. The poster reads: ‘Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots. ‘ “What’s he wanted for?” … Read more
Bus Gasps Harry
Harry staggers exhausted into his house. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife. ‘I thought I’d save my 75p bus fare by running behind the bus,’ gasps Harry. ‘You idiot,’ says his wife. ‘If you’d run home behind a taxi you could’ve saved a tenner.’ This joke is included in the Black Book of Jokes. … Read more